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Vodka RUMble: Captain Morgan Versus Svedka G_rl

  Captain Morgan Svedka G_rl
Mug Shot He only owns one shirt Genocidal maniac Carmen Sandiego
Profession Rum brand spokespirate Vodka brand spokesbot
Most Dangerous Weapon Big-ass sword Titanium robot fists
What I Like Big man swinging a big sword. You can't stab a robot to death but you can beat it with something heavy until it's robot heard shoots sparks. Captain Morgan has the toolset to accomplish this. The robot angle intrigues me. No emotions, no mercy. She won't hesitate to use her super-bot strength to crush Morgan. If she can disarm him early and turn it into a grappling match, watch out.
 Biggest Weakness That outfit. The billowing cape, large hoop earrings and silly kerchief are all liabilities. I'm reminded of the time Royce Gracie won a UFC bout by latching onto his opponent's ponytail. Her disproportionate robot bosoms. She's a top-heavy girlbot. I'm concerned that a couple good shots from the Captain could put her on her back.
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

Hide-And-Go-Fight: Waldo Versus Carmen Sandiego

  Waldo Carmen Sandiego
Mug Shot He only owns one shirt Genocidal maniac Carmen Sandiego
Profession Vagabond Triple agent, heartless thief
If you were at Starbucks and had to use the bathroom, would you trust to watch your laptop? Yes No
Biggest Strength His arsenal. Find Waldo and you'll find him with a pile of travelling items that can double as dealers of death. Hey Waldo, try cracking your walking stick over Carmen's head a couple times and we'll see if she remembers where in the world she is. Ruthlessness. Once tried to steal the world's medicine. That's really messed up. This genocidal maniac isn't going to have second thoughts about turning Waldo's white and red sweater into an all red one. With his blood.
 Biggest Weakness Forgetfulness. The more he travels, the more he loses things. Surprising you don't find him naked at the end of his books. He can't kill anybody with his walking stick if he doesn't have it. Lack of big-fight experience. Carmen has done some really heinous stuff (see above) but it's been against some watered-down competition. ACME Detective Agency keeps sending kids to capture her. Waldo's a man. A homeless one possibly, but a man, nonetheless.
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

Tag-Tag-Team Special: Jonas Brothers Versus Alvin And The Chipmunks

  Jonas Brothers Alvin And The Chipmunks
Mug Shot
Description Teenybop singing trio with high-pitched voices. Teenybop singing trio with high-pitched voices.
Will they still be famous in five years? Probably not. Hells yeah.
Strengths Well-gelled hair could serve as a protective helmet from chipmunk headblows. Durability. These rodents have been avoiding frying pans and angry foot stomps since 1958.
 Weaknesses Focus. What happens when during the fight their painstakingly coiffed hairdos are disturbed? Alvin won't be afraid of throwing a punch while one of the bros is reaching for his comb. Theodore. His naivete and innonence can be adorable, but that doesn't win brawls. Alvin's shoot-fist mentality and Simon's smarts should help but Theo's contribution is questionable.
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

Autobattle: Bumblebee From Transformers Versus A Car Compactor

  Bumblebee From Transformers Car compactor
Mug Shot
Relationship with cars Can turn into one. Crushes them.
Catchphrase "The least likely can be the most dangerous." krunch krunch krunch
Strengths Fuel efficiency. Good with humans. Crushing cars.
 Weaknesses He's a car. Also, questionable taste in friends. Shia Labeouf? Really? A one-dimensional fighter. Very good at crushing cars but how will he react if Bumblebee transforms into his humanoid form?
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

The OS Fracas: Mac Versus PC

  PC Mac
Mug Shot
Known for bumbling, making Mac look good witticisms, looking hipper than PC
Distinctive features accountant glasses, hideous suit facial scruff, hoodie
Strengths Something in those eyes makes me believe that this man has killed before, and will kill again. Serial killer face. Looks like the type of guy who hangs around bus stops looking for runaways to abduct. Give PC a knife and some duct tape, he'll know what to do. Confidence. Doesn't think he can lose to PC in any way. His jackass smirk won't help him kick PC's ass, but believing in himself will.
 Weaknesses Built like an out-of-shape accountant. Needs to end the fight quickly or risk fatiguing in the later rounds. There's no app that punches a guy in the face for you. So dependent on Apple products, questionable if this guy could actually accomplish anything without the latest iGadget.
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

The Purple Powwow: Barney Versus Grimace

  Barney Grimace
Mug Shot
Species Tyrannosaurus rex a grimace
Distinctive features large, purple, stupid grin large, purple, stupid grin
Strengths Evolution baby; still a T-rex at the end of the day. Big powerful hips give him the lower body strength to lunge quickly and sink those big choppers into some Grimace flesh. Also, has a tail, which should give him better balance than Grimace, who just has a fat ass. Has more street smarts that people give him credit for. Grimace may seems like a nice guy, but nice guys don't make it long in a world where the Hamburglar is always trying to hamburgle your shit.
 Weaknesses Does Barney have the killer instinct? Big question mark there. Had many, many opportunities to take down easy human prey in the form of pre-schoolers on his television show Barney and Friends. Instead opted for hugs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Grimace's physical fitness has always been lacking. Shouldn't be surprising considering he spends a lot of his time figuring out how to get pudgy purple paws on McDonald's milkshakes (those things have a ton of calories). Also, extremely clumsy.
Fight poll: 
If they fight, who would win?

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